I quit

The blog, that is.

The purpose of this blog was to keep people informed during our trip to China.  I never intended to keep going and being a "blogger".

If we ever kayak across the pacific again, I'll let you know!

Thanks for following along.

You might want to sit down for this one.

Even though the last two months have been hands-down the most difficult two months of our lives and we know we've got a really long, bumpy road ahead of us and regardless of the fact that this situation is not "what we signed up for"...

I'd do it again.

No, this is not an announcement.

I'm still 100% pro-adoption.

Since God has so generously let us in on what he is doing, we're not about to throw up our hands and walk off the job just because we run into occasional hard times.  

We're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace.  

(2 Cor. 4 Message)

I try to talk to people about adoption with gentleness and respect but it's hard.  Once you've seen the need, you want to take people by the shoulders and shake them and say, "Enough with the excuses!  Trust God!  Just do it!"  

I am holding myself back from writing more...I'll save that for another time...if I get brave enough.

If you are looking to get your toes wet and take part in caring for orphans, there are lots of great ways to do that and tons of websites that can help you.  Here is one that I think is a good place to begin www.internationalvoiceoftheorphan.com

Two Months

Gotcha day
Dec. 5

Painting at home
 Feb. 5

It's been two months exactly.  

Only two months.  

It feels like two months...under water.  Seriously.  This has been the longest two months of my life.  And two and a half weeks of it were spent in China.  

In two months...

Her hair is a teensy bit longer.  

She hasn't gained any weight.  (Ends up she brought home some internal stowaways who had not been cleared by homeland security...ahem...)  

She continues to mostly speak Chinese.  

She still surprises me every morning by being here.  

It's all just so...recent.  

I actually had a total stranger say to me today, "Oh, she's transitioning so well!"  

I will assume this person had good intentions.  But I may have had the momentary thought of kicking her in the shin.  

This transition has gone about as well as a snowman on a Caribbean cruise.  Lots of meltdowns. 

These last two months as we've brought Josie home, God has re-taught us about what "home" really is.  And this isn't it.  To be comfortable, happy, have perfect children, live the "dream"...that's not what we're made for.  That's not what we're here for.  This is not our home!   

Try that.  Next time you're tempted to complain about life here, if you are a Christ-follower, say it out loud..."This is not our home!"  It really puts things into perspective.  For me, at least. 

"You are very brave."

"I know this is so hard."

"Everything is new and different."

"You are doing a good job."

"I will help you."

"You're going to get it."

"It's o.k."

These are the words I am speaking to Josie every day, many times a day.  She still speaks very little English and I don't know how much she understands.  I want her to hear the words, though, because one of these days she WILL understand!  And then, I hope, she'll be encouraged and know that I'm on her side.  I don't rightly think there will be anything in her life that will be as difficult as this whole situation is.  

Last week was very trying.  God sent lots of family and friends to rally around.

How can anyone do this hard life without Jesus?  

We continue to try to get to know Josie.  It hasn't even been two months yet.  

It's easy to forget that she's still new to everything and everyone.  

It's hard to parent a child who you don't know very well.    

So hard.  

We're playing detective. Looking for clues in her behavior.  We've shown her pictures and tried to gauge reactions for some enlightenment.  We found a Cantonese-speaking babysitter to "spy" on some of her ramblings. 

The girls had a little backpack love affair one day--they wouldn't take them off!

This shopping cart gets a lot of mileage all day long

She's learned two colors!  Red and green!  Well, red's still a little inconsistent.  But she's got "green" down!  

Push-ups with personal trainer

She does anything and everything the others do.  (Which isn't always a good thing...)

She is really good at putting on her own socks and boots!  And she's very proud of herself.

She is starting to give the boys the time of day.  Especially biggest brother.  

She's taught the others how to sing "Happy Birthday" in Chinese!!!  Check out the party below!

We're still on a giant roller coaster around here.  

And I'm actually not a big fan of giant roller coasters.

A good morning might be followed by a horrendous afternoon followed by a calm, lovely bedtime.  And the next day might be bad breakfast, good lunch, decent dinner, terrible bedtime.  

There's just no formula.  Except maybe "3 steps forward, 2 steps back".   

"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope.  

With less of you there is more of God and his rule."

"Let me tell you why you are here.  

You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth."

"If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus?  Anybody can do that!"

"Grow up!  You are kingdom subjects.  Now live like it.

Live out your God-created identity. 

Live generously and graciously toward others,

the way God lives toward you."

"What I'm trying to do here is get you to relax, 

to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving."

"Give your entire attention to what I am doing right now, 

and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow.  

I will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." *

These are some of the words God is speaking to me every day, many times a day.  I'm still mostly speaking the language of grumbling and complaining, but some days, I understand.    
And his words, the Word, helps. 

"Stripes" Day!

*God's been speaking to me a lot through the "Message" translation lately.  

These words come from Matthew 5 and 6.

So, how's it going?!

One thing I've learned through all of this:  ask specific questions.

When someone asks, "So!  How's it goin'?!"  There really isn't a good answer.
Ask me, "Are the tantrums getting less?"  or "How is Josie's English coming along?" or
"What did the doctor have to say?"  or "How did she do at the dentist?".

The question "How's it going?" is too big.  Too complicated.  Too impossible to answer.

So I will take this opportunity to answer some of the specific questions we've gotten.

"Are the tantrums less?":
No.

"How is her English coming along?":
Slowly.  She is definitely understanding more and more but she is not really speaking much English.  She is naturally a quiet, shy, non-talkative child so she doesn't say much anyway.  We're trying to encourage her to say something/anything when she wants something instead of just looking at us with big eyes hoping that we will be able to eye-read and mind-read what she's trying to tell us.

"What did the doctor say?":
She's basically healthy.  She's very underweight and not really gaining any pounds even though I'm force feeding her donuts, cookies and ice cream.  We have to see a pediatric geneticist about her TAR syndrome but the first available appointment at Childrens Hospital is July 17.

"How did she do at the dentist?":
At her initial dental checkup a couple of weeks ago, we discovered that she had 6 cavities.  We went last Friday for the first of three appointments to get them filled.  She did well under the circumstances.  Not knowing anything about what was going to happen, and me not really being able to tell her, definitely helped that situation.  The next two times might be a little trickier as she will recognize where she is and what happened last time.  (Shout out to the pediatric dentist here in town---amazing!)

And we've gotten a few other specific questions:

"How are the boys doing with all of this?":
Our boys are normal boys.  They love Legos, Wii and Nerf guns.  They "occasionally" fight with each other over stupid things and they eat too much junk food and beg to play on the iPad too much....BUT....they are such good boys.  They have had to deal with a lot of crying and screaming around here (mostly by their new sister).  They've gotten woken up many mornings by a certain screaming girl (who shall remain nameless)  and they've had to help out with things that most 2nd and 3rd grade boys don't have to (practice counting to 10, help with learning colors).  They are kind to me when I've had a rough day (which is most days) and are unconditionally loving to both of their sisters even when they're ornery (which is most days).  They are cheerful, funny and super, duper cute.  And they let me hug them extra long when I just need a "normal" child to hold.

Another question:
"What do you DO all day?!":

We paint,

we make cookies,

we do puzzles,

we build with blocks,

 we practice "patterns"...

and sorting,

we learn common words from flash cards,

we watch brothers play iPad games,

we have "resting" time (a.k.a. stand-outside-Megan's-room-and-make-sure-she-stays-in-her-bed time),

we have "photo-opportunity" time,

 we have lots and lots of coloring time,

we have play-doh time,

                                          

we have "reminisce about the olden days" times...(oh, wait, maybe that's just me...).

                                                       

and we have singing time.

I forcibly drag my exhausted body out of bed each morning dreading the demanding day ahead.  It feels like combination nursery school/day care all day long.   
I try to make up for the lack of care and education that Josie has had while still trying to keep the counters wiped down, the boy's homework done, the dinner on the table, the laundry folded and the home fires burning.  Oh, and I try to figure out why God thought WE, messed up and sinful as we are, were the right family for Josie...that's what I do all day.

Learn from me.  Ask specific questions.  Not just to me.  To anyone.  Especially people with huge, life-changing situations going on.  We want to share.  We want someone to listen.  But it's hard to answer, "How's it going?".  

Tension

Here is my "tension" as a "blogger":  I want to be honest, I want to be informative, I want to be interesting but at the same time I must be careful, I must be discerning, I must be honoring to my new daughter in what I write for the whole world to read.  (I know the whole world is not reading this...)

This last six weeks since Josie became a member of our family has been excruciatingly difficult.  Is that dramatic?  Perhaps to some who have never adopted a child out of absolute neglect.

I/We are finding it really difficult to talk to others about what's really going on behind closed doors.  We've talked to others who have been in similar difficult, life-altering situations, and have discovered that there are two courses of action.  When people ask, "So, how's it going!?  Aren't you SO HAPPY with your life right now?!," we can #1--be honest and give a 30-60 minute awkward answer on how, as much as we know God is in this and has the best plan for all of us, it's been HARD... or #2--just say, "Oh yes!  It's SO great!".  We have learned to judge the ask-er and the situation and then decide which answer we'll give.

After being home almost a month we are still dealing with a lot of unexpectedly volatile behavior.   Lest you think the pictures I post are an accurate representation of what's going on, I only pull out the camera for the smiling faces.  Notice none of these pictures show her face...

Watching the boys go to school

Heading to school

Words can't express my gratitude to my dad
who has picked the boys up for school every morning since we got home

Good-bye to the boys again

Snow fortress

I was given a verse today which I believe applies to Josie as well as to me:

Psalm 102:23 

He has weakened my strength, humbling me with sorrow.

I have no strength left.  Any parenting "genius" I thought I had...it's gone.  I can't do this alone.  I am absolutely, 100% at the mercy of God.  He has humbled me with sorrow over this girl.

Josie is having to learn a whole new way.  Her "strength," her survival in an orphanage, doesn't work in a family setting.  She's absolutely, 100% at the mercy of God.  He has humbled HER with sorrow.  She's got to learn that life is different now.

So hard.  So necessary.  So impossible without God's grace.

Ahh, there it is again...her name...God will increase grace.

The words of an old favorite hymn have taken on new meaning:

The Master has called us His sons and His daughters.

We plead for his blessing and trust in His love.

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Pinkalicious

  

It was just three weeks ago that boys still ruled this roost.  Legos and light sabers beat out Bitty Babies and bubble wands.  But now, how the foaming-pink tide has turned...  We are up to our glittery earmuffs in dollies, toy strollers, tea sets and sparkle shoes.  Tights and tutus are the order of the day and we are viewing everything (well, most everything...) through rose-colored lenses. 

We've been home three weeks.  We can check "recover from jet lag" off the to-do list.  We can name a few of Josie's favorites:  cookies, ice cream, trampoline, Dolly, Twinkle Twinkle.  We can see tiny glimmers of hope in changing behaviors and learning each day.  

The "food honeymoon" is over, I'm afraid.   Foods that she once scarfed down are now getting the dreaded "myou" (Cantonese for "NO!!!").  So I offer her lots of different things.  Try to get her to try at least one bite.  Try to explain with hand gestures and charades without causing a meltdown.  In the end, ice cream and cookies it is.  Maybe man CAN live by ice cream and cookies alone...we shall see.  

(If our doctor or social worker is reading this...she isn't JUST eating cookies and ice cream...she's drinking chocolate milk too).

Favorite job--setting the table

Bedtime is still an "adventure" each night.  Can't quite seem to nail down a routine.  I've been treated to  some gorgeous sunrises as I've been up pre-dawn with one or two early birds.  And, yes, that's one of the "seeing life through rose-colored lenses" moments.  I may or may not have so lovely an attitude about it as it's actually happening.

She's SO interested in everything anyone does
Look at that very patient brother

We are learning, slowly but surely, to check our expectations each day and keep them in line with the facts:  we have only been home three weeks, this child's past life has been "less than ideal", and she's doing the best she can.  If any of us were plopped down in another country with no familiar people, places, foods, sights or sounds, would we be as brave and adaptable as she's been?  I doubt it.  

God has been merciful and loving to encourage me in many ways.  Through connection with others who have adopted kids from difficult places, through friends who have prayed, emailed, brought dinner, through unseasonably warm weather to get the girls out, through His Word.  

Ponder this gem that I unearthed the other day.

I will be glad and rejoice in Your mercy and steadfast love, because 

You have seen my affliction, 

You have taken note of my life's distresses.  

Have mercy and be gracious unto me, O Lord, 

for I am in trouble; 

with grief my eye is weakened, 

also my inner self and my body.  

Blessed be the Lord! 

For He has shown me His marvelous loving favor when 

I was beset as in a besieged city.

As for me, I said in my haste and alarm, 

I am cut off from before Your eyes. 

But You heard the voice of my supplications when 

I cried to You for aid.

O love the Lord, all you His saints! 

The Lord preserves the faithful.

Be strong and let your heart take courage, 

all you who wait for and hope for and expect the Lord!

Psalm 31:21-24

When I read this I was shocked that King David had somehow come and ripped a page out of my China journal!  Yes, God's Word IS living and active, exposing and sifting and analyzing and judging the very thoughts and purposes of the heart! (Hebrews 4:12 AMP)

Alongside the clothing, the feeding, the hugging, the training, the cleaning, the rocking, the playing, the crying, I must include the reading, the thanking, the supplicating, the meditating, the lamenting, the praying for this time, these days, to not be for naught.  I must believe God's promise...He has not only gone before us in this, but He's with us right now in this.  

Happy New Year!

Hardly seems possible all the changes since January 1, 2011.  I won't even attempt to write about all of them; probably wouldn't be very interesting. Suffice it to say, much has changed, but what hasn't changed is that we are still here and God is still good.
We've been sticking close to home, relishing the lack of schedule, letting Josie get the lay of the land.  Reality will come crashing in Tuesday morning...but until then, we'll enjoy this.

Teaching little sis the finer points of Candy Land

Two girls, two dolls

photo by AJ

New Year's Eve ice cream sundaes
a Whitecotton tradition