Tension

Here is my "tension" as a "blogger":  I want to be honest, I want to be informative, I want to be interesting but at the same time I must be careful, I must be discerning, I must be honoring to my new daughter in what I write for the whole world to read.  (I know the whole world is not reading this...)

This last six weeks since Josie became a member of our family has been excruciatingly difficult.  Is that dramatic?  Perhaps to some who have never adopted a child out of absolute neglect.

I/We are finding it really difficult to talk to others about what's really going on behind closed doors.  We've talked to others who have been in similar difficult, life-altering situations, and have discovered that there are two courses of action.  When people ask, "So, how's it going!?  Aren't you SO HAPPY with your life right now?!," we can #1--be honest and give a 30-60 minute awkward answer on how, as much as we know God is in this and has the best plan for all of us, it's been HARD... or #2--just say, "Oh yes!  It's SO great!".  We have learned to judge the ask-er and the situation and then decide which answer we'll give.

After being home almost a month we are still dealing with a lot of unexpectedly volatile behavior.   Lest you think the pictures I post are an accurate representation of what's going on, I only pull out the camera for the smiling faces.  Notice none of these pictures show her face...

Watching the boys go to school

Heading to school

Words can't express my gratitude to my dad
who has picked the boys up for school every morning since we got home

Good-bye to the boys again

Snow fortress

I was given a verse today which I believe applies to Josie as well as to me:

Psalm 102:23 

He has weakened my strength, humbling me with sorrow.

I have no strength left.  Any parenting "genius" I thought I had...it's gone.  I can't do this alone.  I am absolutely, 100% at the mercy of God.  He has humbled me with sorrow over this girl.

Josie is having to learn a whole new way.  Her "strength," her survival in an orphanage, doesn't work in a family setting.  She's absolutely, 100% at the mercy of God.  He has humbled HER with sorrow.  She's got to learn that life is different now.

So hard.  So necessary.  So impossible without God's grace.

Ahh, there it is again...her name...God will increase grace.

The words of an old favorite hymn have taken on new meaning:

The Master has called us His sons and His daughters.

We plead for his blessing and trust in His love.

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