Three week update

It's hard to believe we've had Josie for three full weeks!  I remember clearly November 28.  I remember thinking that a month from that day, we'd be home, our long trip to China would be done, Christmas would be past AND we'd have a new kid in our house!  And here we are on December 28.  It's fairly mind-boggling to try to understand all that has occurred since that calm, quiet, predictable day in November....

So here's the 3-week update.

Our days are no longer calm (o.k., with 3 kids already, our days were never calm), quiet (again, not quiet before but quite a bit louder now...), or predictable.  We are seeing teensy changes for the better every day with Josie.  She has stopped some of the unsettling behaviors we were seeing in China and has gotten more comfortable with us each day.  She's no longer afraid of David.

The communication barrier is still quite high and has caused a lot of frustration on both sides.  It seems like so many of her tantrums would be non-existent if we could just talk to her about what's happening.  But we can't.  While she's not speaking English by any means, she is clearly understanding a few key words.  

She started out very un-affectionate i.e. didn't know how to give or receive hugs, and has now swung to the other end of the pendulum where she wants to hug everyone, from the mailman to the grocery clerk.  We are working on teaching her that we only hug people that live in our house.

Bedtime is slowly, slowly getting better.  In addition to getting Josie used to her new house, room, bed, etc, Megan is getting used to having a roommate--not an easy transition for either of them.  Did we mention that Megan mastered the skill of climbing out of her crib while we were in China?  There's no keeping that girl down. That has provided another "fun" challenge in all of this.

Josie fits right in at mealtimes by eating just about everything I put in front of her.  And she seems to like most of it.  Yay!  She's still skinny as a bean pole but if she keeps eating like this, she should fatten up in no time.

We took her to the doctor yesterday for her first stateside check-up.  He confirmed what we suspected, that she has a genetic disease called TAR syndrome.  Feel free to google it if you want to know more.  Her handicapped arm and hand are symptoms of the disease.  We are scheduled to take her to a pediatric geneticist to find out more and to formulate a plan for the future.  She had to have blood taken at the hospital today to run some tests and she came through it like a champ!  Very brave girl.

My first outing with all 4 by myself was to the gym at the college

A much needed "get-out-of-the-house" time 

It's been a blessing to have the boys home for these first two weeks.  I'm going to really miss them when they have to go back to school.  They have willingly stepped in whenever I need an extra hand or need someone to distract one girl or the other.  They are always cheerful and kind to both sisters and continue to amaze me with their patience and love for the girls (and for me--I'm the luckiest mom in the world!).

Grandma and Josie

Grandpa and Josie

Tea party

Sisters

Christmas got a little lost in all the Chinese craziness this year.

I had all of my Christmas shopping finished and all the gifts wrapped and tagged before we left for China.  This past week I was really glad I had done that.  We had prepared the boys that this Christmas was going to be different, calmer, less stuff than years past.  They were amenable to that.
We decorated the small tree.  Played the merry carols.  Ate the festive cookies.  Read the wintertime stories.  Worshiped with others on Christmas Eve.

My lament...."It doesn't feel like Christmas."

What does Christmas "feel" like exactly?  Did Mary and Joseph "feel" like it was Christmas?
Do the persecuted Christ!ans in Ch!na "feel" like it's Christmas?
How should I "feel" when I really contemplate Christmas?

What have I been trying to drill into my children for the last 9+ years?

As Ann Voskamp writes, "The parent must always self-parent first,
                                           self-preach before child-teach..."

CHRISTMAS ISN'T ABOUT GIFTS, TREES, MUSIC, LIGHTS, COOKIES!!!
CHRISTMAS IS ABOUT JESUS!!!

Christmas doesn't "feel" like anything!

Christmas is Jesus!  Immanuel!  Which means God is WITH US!  With ME!
And this year, maybe more than any other, that gives me a WONDERFUL feeling!!!
I can't do this newly-adopted-child-transition thing on my own. I MUST have God with me--Immanuel.

Aahhh....I finally got it!  THAT is what Christmas should "feel" like.
This self-sermon I must record and replay year after year.

Christmas could be in May, could involve popsicles and roller skating, could have "Row Your Boat" as the theme song and it wouldn't/shouldn't change the "feeling" of the celebration.

We celebrate Christmas ONLY because God sent Jesus to be with us, to be like us, to love us...forever.

"She will have a son, and they will name him Immanuel, which means "God is with us."
Matthew 1:23

All they wanted for Christmas were their two front teeth--
neither of them got 'em

Great grandma Sally--this is her 97th Christmas! 

Post Script:  
I am not making any value judgements on people who enjoy the festivities of the holidays.  I enjoy them too!  I have missed out on them this year in many ways.  I've never had a holiday season in which I was so removed from our cultural celebrations of Christmas.  This year, this season, has given me pause to think through my beliefs and "feelings" on Christmas and I share with you here what God has been graciously teaching me.  
I am also mindful this year, as never before, of our brothers and sisters in China who celebrate Christmas every year without any of the glitter and pomp that we have here.  They must rely daily on Immanuel as they are faced with opposition and persecut!on for their faith.

Yes, we're home

Josie had JUST woken up (can you tell!)
The others had been eagerly waiting for her to wake up and piled on her bed as soon as she did.
Welcome to the family!

After three nights, buckets of tears, endless hours of head-splitting screaming (no, not me), the impossible has happened...we've all gotten a decent night's sleep!!!  Yay!  Praise God!!!   We (and I'm including you all in that "we") know how lack-of-sleep can turn even the most pleasant of people into, how shall we say..."less-than-pleasant"....  I'm hopeful that today will be better based on the sole fact that we're not painfully exhausted.

Lest I fail to find the gifts throughout the last few days, I will list some here to share with you God's continued faithfulness to us, and to be sure I have a written reminder for the times ahead when I will, once again, forget.

1.  The three flights and over 24 hours of travel went better than expected.  I know that was a direct result of tons of prayer by many of you.  Josie wasn't scared of the planes, she slept a bit on each flight, and she was mostly content to play with her toys and color the rest of the time.  I know she had to have been so confused about what was happening and why we kept getting on ANOTHER plane!

2.  We came home to a clean, happy house, fully stocked pantry, excited, well-kept children who were none the worse for the wear thanks to the indefatigable love and care they received from my parents the whole 17 days and 17 nights we were gone.  And gma and gpa didn't just view this time with them as "let's get through this thing...," they used it as a chance to invest in their grandchildren with fun activities, teachable moments, and affirmation.  What a gift!

3.  Hot chili and chewy chocolate cookies (not made by me) on our table within hours of coming home.   First dinner together!  The newest Chinese girl hasn't acquired the taste for chili yet, but cookies are an international favorite!

4.  World's sweetest big brothers.  These boys, I tell you...they are exceptional when it comes to including a newbie into the Melilli fold.  They have an innate sense of the situation and have been so kind, patient, fun...did I mention patient...with Josie.  They know when to get involved and when to back off.  They share with her willingly and are eager to teach her new words.   I wish I could capture their faces when she starts babbling in Chinese--they are astounded!

One of the reasons we wanted to adopt again was because of what we saw in our boys when we brought Megan home.  We saw a totally new side of them that never would have come out had we remained a two-boy family.  And I can't wait for the future when these two girls realize the amazing gift they have in their brothers.

5.  World's funniest little sister.  That girl...I don't even know where to begin to tell you....  She is so happy to have her sister to play with.  She has shared/totally given up her doll to Josie with nary a fuss or fight.  She has invited Josie into all of her activities:  coloring, eating, running-around-and-screaming (happy screams!), playing outside....  Her new question that she asks 50x a day:  "What you talkin 'bout Josie?"   She doesn't quite understand the concept of a different language.
Just as the boys have, Megan has unabashedly welcomed Josie into the fold.

6.  Did I mention the pan of chocolate, caramel, nutty goodness that "magically" showed up at my door in the dark of the evening?

7.  Invitation for the boys to play at their friend's house.

8.  Personal-shopper who has gone back and forth and back and forth to stores to find clothes that fit this itty-bitty 6 year old (3T with adjustable waist--that's teeny).

9.  Offers of help and kindness coming from every direction.

10.  6:08 a.m. and EVERYONE'S STILL ASLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really could keep going but I'll save it for another post.

Within moments of coming home, Josie had claimed "Dolly" and the pink stroller

First 6-person family dinner

My multi-cultural boy
 Tries to eat everything/anything with chopsticks

She LOVED going outside to play!

Big little sister

Girls' room (Josie's bed is in the bottom corner)

In a desperate attempt, I put on a Cantonese kids video
Notice who's the only one NOT watching

Lots and lots of coloring

                                                               Must remember the gifts.
                                           And remember that every gift comes from God.

Last Day in China!

had to spend our last yuan

 learned how to operate the remote

December 16, 2011

We are on our way home!  Yay!

This is my final blog post for awhile.  My goal is to update it once we get home.  But I am a realist.  I know that it is unlikely to happen for the first few days...or so.  Not only are we getting back from a physically, emotionally, spiritually draining trip, but we haven't seen our precious boys and girl for almost three weeks, they are officially on winter vacation, AND it is Christmas time!  

Did I mention the 14 hour time difference/jet lag under which we will be operating? 

To add to all of THAT wonderfulness, we will also be actively working on assimilating/transitioning a very wounded, fragile girl from a foreign country, who has never been in a home or a family, into our middle-class, suburban life in another land with different language, food, smells, sounds....   

Posting on the blog isn't at the top of my priority list.

Many of you have asked how you can help when we get home.  We are so grateful for your kindness and plan on taking advantage of it as much as we can.  However, having gone through this "coming-home-with-adopted-child" thing before and knowing that this time is 1000x more difficult than last time, we (and that's true, David is in on this too) wanted to mention a few things in this final post from China.....

1.  We COVET your prayers for our 26 hours of traveling that we will have to endure to make it back to ORD.  That includes 3 different flights and a combined 7 hours of layovers (mostly in Tokyo).  Josie is nervous around cars.  Need I tell you how she may react to a jumbo jet?

2.  We COVET your prayers for our first week, two weeks, three weeks, four weeks.....at home.  We know we are not the first, nor will we be the last, who have come home with a newly adopted child.  We don't expect special treatment or kid gloves but we know we'll need prayer.

3.  We have lived this crazy, difficult, unexpected, mind-boggling journey in the flesh for the last 17 days.  We have a lot to say about it, but we also don't really want to talk about it.  Is that confusing?!  Please understand if we give you a pat, ambiguous, uninvolved answer that we want to be honest with you but we're still trying to process it all and don't know exactly what to say.  Our adoption journey is not ending, it is only changing locations.  

4.  If you're really interested in some of what's going on in our minds and at our house, read this excellent post by Jen Hatmaker http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2011/11/02/how-to-be-the-village  Her situation isn't exactly like ours, but you can glean a few good ideas.

5.  Be patient with us and with Josie.  We won't be bringing her out on parade for awhile. She has spent the last two weeks in China with a group of crazy white people who keep getting right in her itty, bitty face and saying, "Hi Josie!  How are you?  Oh, you're so pretty!  What have you been doing today?"  To her it sounds like, "Wah wah, wah wah, wah wah."  And she doesn't know how to respond so she just does crazy things which cause lots of problems.  Be patient.  And pray.  

6.  Don't plan on seeing us out and about for awhile.  We're planning on going into "hunker-down" mode.  We'll surface when:

  A.  the ground thaws 

  B.  we're fluent in Cantonese 

        or

  C.  Josie can handle her new, totally strange world reasonably well

I'll try to post again sometime in the next week.  

Thank you SO MUCH for following our trip, for praying, for writing comments and sending emails.  

I was reminded so often of this story of Moses:  When the Israelites were fighting against Amalek, 

"it turned out that whenever  Moses raised his hands, Israel was winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, Amalek was winning.  

      BUT MOSES' HANDS GOT TIRED.  

So they got a stone and set it under him.  He sat on it and Aaron and Hur 

      HELD UP HIS HANDS,

one on each side.  So 

      HIS HANDS REMAINED STEADY 

until the sun went down.  [They] defeated Amalek and its army in battle."  Exodus 17:11-13

We have been so tired, weary, discouraged, disheartened...Many of you have held us up in prayer and with encouragement to help us remain steady.  

THANK YOU!  

December 15, 2011

***SPOILER ALERT****    If you really want to know what's going on over here, don't skim over the following Bible verses.  I know, I know, I'm guilty of that too, but this time, they tell the story better than I ever could....

After a horrificly trying evening, I pull out my journal. I don't journal as often as I would like, but it is a habit I am trying to build because it is a testimony of how God has been working in my life.  We think we'll NEVER forget...but we do...quickly.  

This evening involved screaming, crying, thrashing, hollering, howling, flopping, and snarling (mostly by Josie!).  

Help us, Lord!  We are in WAY over our heads on this one.  What have we done?!  Did we miss something?!  This can't possibly be what you intended.   You WANT us to adopt.  You BLESS those who adopt.  How is THIS a blessing?!   

Yes, she's been institutionalized for her entire six years.  Yes, she's very immature and underdeveloped.  Yes, she's a precious child of God who needs and deserves love, compassion and a family.  

But here is where the rubber meets the road, the head meets the heart, the faith meets the actions...

And so I pull out the journal.  I read what I wrote last month...six months ago....TWELVE months ago....

  

      Jan. 13, 2011

 "All this also comes from the Lord Almighty, whose plan is wonderful, whose wisdom is magnificent. Is. 28:29  

    

      Jan. 14, 2011

  "Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east...and your daughters from the ends of the earth."  

          Is. 43:5-6

      April 14, 2011

  "Now may the God of peace...equip you with everything good for doing his will..."  Hebrews 13:20-21

      May 2, 2011

  "He will respond to the prayer of the destitute; he will not despise their plea.  Let this be written for future generations, that a    

    people not yet created may praise the Lord.  Psalm 102:17

  "May your hearts be FULLY COMMITTED to the Lord our God, to live by his decrees and obey his commands."  1 Kings 8:61

       July 2, 2011  **after we had found out about Josie**

   "The Lord SUSTAINS the fatherless..."  Psalm 146:9

   "You, O God, are the HELPER of the fatherless."  Psalm 10:14

   "You DEFEND the fatherless."  Psalm 10:18

        July 12, 2011

   "Endure hardship as discipline.  God is treating you as sons[/daughters!]"   Hebrews 12:7-11

   "Imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised."  Hebrews 6:12

         August 11, 2011

   "Though you have made me see troubles,many and bitter, you will restore my life again...You will increase my honor and comfort  

     me once again."  Psalm 71:20-21

        August 31, 2011

   "BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD."  Psalm 46:10

       September 20, 2011 and October 20, 2011

  "He must become greater; I must become less."  John 3:30

       November 29, 2011 ***the day before we left for China*** 

  "In the morning you hear my voice, O Lord: in the morning I prepare a prayer for You and watch and WAIT FOR YOU TO SPEAK   

   TO MY HEART!"    Psalm 5:3 (emphasis added)

And since that life-changing day last week when we got Josie, God is faithful to speak to my heart....

    

        December 12, 2011

   "Oh!  Teach us to live well!  Teach us to live wisely and well!...Make up for the bad times with some good times; we've seen    

    enough evil to last a lifetime.  ...  And let the loveliness of our Lord, our God, rest on us, CONFIRMING THE WORK THAT WE 

    DO.  Oh, yes.  Affirm the work that we do."  Psalm 90:17  

I am sharing all this with you with a weighted down, despondent heart.  All I've said and written about caring for orphans and adoption and God's will......we need that truth now...and it IS truth....to anchor, uphold, transform, carry us.

God's word for me today.  I must journal this.  Straight from the mouth of Jesus...

     December 15, 2011

      "...not My will, but always Yours be done."   Luke 22:42 (AMP)

God's will.  In our situation right now.

Easy?  No

Enjoyable?  No

Desired?  Yes

Better than MY will?  Amazingly, yes

Eternally significant?  Absolutely

U.S. consulate; it's official

our whole group after the oath ceremony

 esoteric "red couch" picture

cute one

serious one

Josie and the babies

  

  

December 14, 2011

Today we had a fun adventure to a Chinese museum/historical site and then to a beautiful botanical garden.  Josie enjoyed it all and continues to run.  Yay!  

Tomorrow is our all-important U.S. consulate appointment to procure a visa for her to come home.  Yay!

We still aren't exactly sure what we've signed up for here, but we're willing to step out in faith and give it our best shot.  Yay!?

self-photo

Chen family home--nice home

 good one of Josie

 three Melillis

friends!  God knew what we'd need here when he put this group together!  

sphere girl

view of the gardens

  

December 12, 2011

Imagine being 6 years old and never having seen a live animal other than a stray cat or dog.  Today we got to see firsthand how that 6 year old reacts to her first trip to the zoo.  Could've been a horrible nightmare but it ended up being a lovely day.  Josie was a little hesitant at first and clearly didn't understand what we were doing.  But by about the third "enclosure", she had figured it out and was RUNNING to the next one.  And I say RUNNING in all caps because we have been literally dragging this girl (gently and lovingly) around for the past week because she.......is...................so..........................................slow.   But at the zoo, she was like Michael Phelps in the pool (Chinese Olympic reference).  It was fun to see how excited she was and her legs sure do need the exercise.  It also made us wish the boys and Megs were here to enjoy with us.  If it wasn't 10 degrees in Chicago, a trip to Brookfield might be in order.

family shot--hopefully Josie was feeling happier than she looks

baby lions

baby gorilla

tiger

lots of funny signs--here's one

 baby tigers

 getting ready to feed giraffes

our whole group

  pandas

  it's hard to eat corn on the cob with no front teeth--but she did it!  And she liked it!

safari ride through the animals--by then her brain was pretty overwhelmed and she kind of shut down

 Guangzhou "fact of the day":  the 3rd tallest tower in the world is here